July 17, 2013

It is the DAILY REPORT SHOW!!! It is that time of day in which you can relax, sit down, and enjoy a nice, leisurely, EPIC REPORT!!!!!! So read my report and love my report!!!!!

Yesterday I happily arose from my bed of sleeping wearing my pajamas and took a shower. I next had some cereal for breakfast and did my chores. I next hugged my loving father and did some Codecademy. 

Joke TIME!!!!

How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie? 
His lips start moving.

A robber breaks into a home and hears a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."

Startled, he asks, "Who said that?"

Again, the voice says, "Jesus is watching you."

The robber turns around to see a parrot. He asks the parrot what his name is. The parrot replies, "Cornelius."

The robber asks, "Who names a parrot 'Cornelius'?"

The parrot replies, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus."

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfast of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.

''Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!''

''Not now! I'm eating.''

''Oh come on!'' said the rabbit. ''It's really important.''

''No way.''

''Please. It's urgent.''

So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.

''Well, rabbit,'' he panted. ''What did you want to tell me?''

''Hey, Teddy,'' the rabbit began, ''look how many berries are on the other side of the river.''

HAHAHAH. 

Now I had some lunch of a bagel sandwich consisting of salami  mustard, mayonnaise, and cheese. I next played with Powell online and had some dinner of some hot dogs and hung out with my family. I then went to bed and in the morning I typed my Daily Report!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 16, 2013

It is the DAILY REPORT SHOW!!! It is that time of day in which you can relax, sit down, and enjoy a nice, leisurely, EPIC REPORT!!!!!! So read my report and love my report!!!!!

Yesterday I woke up and made my bed and walked approximately 12 steps to the shower in which I took part in a shower. I walked downstairs and had a bagel and hung out with my dad. I started to annoy him so I left. I did some Codecademy (coding website) for 2 hourzzzz!!!!!! I next played with Powell for some time and I….

JOKE TIME (this time there is 4!!!!!!)

A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

"How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Q: How do cows do mathematics?

A: They use a cow-culator.

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

What do you call a mentally disabled person in a fancy suit? 

Mr. President.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Funny Right?

After I played with Powell, I had some hot dogs for lunch and played some Minecraft and I fixed my Wii!!!!!!! I next played with Powell and had some dinner of a cheezburger (meant to be like that.) I next went to bed and in the morning I typed my DAILY REPORT!!!!!!!!!!!

July 15, 2013

It is the DAILY REPORT SHOW!!! It is that time of day in which you can relax, sit down, and enjoy a nice, leisurely, EPIC REPORT!!!!!! So read my report and love my report!!!!!

Yesterday I arose from my bed feeling refreshed and did my chores. I had some breakfast of some yogurt and some cereal. Right then, my mom asked me if I wanted to accompany her to a shopping trip to Trader Joes. I agreed and we scootied our booties to Trader Joes where we got an assortment of foods for when my mom and my sister leave to go look at colleges for 3 weeks. We next walked home where I was told to go to Stater Bros for some eggs, bacon, and chips. I also got a sweet and left. When I got home, Dad was back from his motorcycle ride and took me to go get a Gamecube controller. I am now ½ the way to my goal to be able to play Gamecube games on my computer for free. I next went home and……….

WAIT JOKE TIME!!!!!!!

A women desperately looking for work goes into a toy factory.

The Personnel Manager goes over her resume and explains to her that he regrets he has nothing worthy of her. The woman answers that she really needs work and will take almost anything. The Personnel Manager hems and haws and finally says he does have a low skill job on the Tickle-Me-Elmo line and nothing else. The woman happily accepts.. He takes her down to the line and explains her duties and that she should come in at 8am the next day.

The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Tickle-Me-Elmo line manager comes in and starts ranting about the woman just hired. After screaming for 15 minutes about how badly backed up the assembly line is, the Personnel Manager suggested he be shown the problem.

Together they head down to the line and sure enough Elmos are backed up from here to kingdom come. Right at the end of the line is the woman just hired. She has pulled over a roll of the material used for the Elmos and has a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric and takes 2 marbles and starts sewing them between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager starts to kill himself laughing and finally after 20 minutes of rolling around, he pulls himself together and walks over to the new employee and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. What I wanted you to do was give Elmo two test tickles."

LOL.

After I got home I had some lunch of some hot dogs and I hung out with my father and watched Slumdog Millionaire. It was sad most of it. I liked it (not the events, but the movie.) I hung out for a little with my father and for dinner, I had some pizza. I walked over to my sleeping chamber, folded the sheet out, got in, closed the fold, closed my eyes, and went to sleep. Right in the morning I typed my Daily Report!!!!!!!!!!

July 14, 2013

It is the DAILY REPORT SHOW!!! It is that time of day in which you can relax, sit down, and enjoy a nice, leisurely, EPIC REPORT!!!!!! So read my report and love my report!!!!!



Yesterday, I woke up and had some breakfast of some cereal and some yogurt. I next practiced my guitar and finished my chores. Mom then took me to Despicable Me 2!!!!!! I was so awesome and Mom liked it too. I next went home and skyped with my friend Powell. Next, I…..

TIME FOR A JOKE!!!!!

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we're drinking together."

The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry you've lost a brother."

The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."



Funny right?



So for lunch I had some chicken nuggets and some pasta and some choco choco chocolate milk. Next, I played with Powell some more and had dinner of pasta and meatballs. I next went to bed and in the morning I typed my DAILY REPORT!!!!!!!!!!

July 8, 2013

It is the DAILY REPORT SHOW!!! It is that time of day in which you can relax, sit down, and enjoy a nice, leisurely, EPIC REPORT!!!!!! So read my report and love my report!!!!!

Yesterday I woke up and I had some breakfast at m grandma's house of some cereal eggs and half a bagel. Next, I got in the car and I didn't know this. But I was about to be bored out of my mind for the next 9.5 hours. I had to sit in the car for that long doing nothing besides sleep, look out the window, and wait for my iPad to charge (which it didn't because my sister LOST THE PLUG!!!!) Next, we stopped for lunch during the ride and I had a hamburger and we got some snacks. By snacks I mean candy. When I finally got home...

Now time for a joke:

It is near the end of the school year.  The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can   do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says,  "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right  Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b*****s would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!"

Johnny: "BILL CLINTON.  CAN I GO NOW?"

Funny huh?

Oh well after I got home I immediately jumped on the couch and savored the moment. I walked upstairs and played some computer and next had a hamburger. I next hugged Dad and went to bed. In the morning several events happened and I typed my Daily Report!!!!!!!

July 2, 2013

It is the DAILY REPORT SHOW!!! It is that time of day in which you can relax, sit down, and enjoy a nice, leisurely, EPIC REPORT!!!!!! So read my report and love my report!!!!!

I woke up yesterday horribly!!!!! I didn’t sleep at all!!!!! I was exhausted and didn’t know what to do!!!!! I clumsily walked down the stairs and had some yellow Pops!!! I opened the bag and poured them into the bowl and poured some milk into the bowl. I ate the food with a spoon (And I am sure you all interested about me eating food, but I need to continue.) I then did all of my chores, making my bed, taking trash out, etc. I then:

TIME FOR A JOKE!!!!!!!

A man walks into a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him he owes $8.

"But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says the customer.

"OK," says the bartender, "if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."

The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, "OK, if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."

The customer goes outside and tells a friend how to get free drinks. The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs.

The bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed they had. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get punched in the -- "

The man interrupts, "Don't bother me with your troubles, bartender. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

Now here is my summary of the next three chapters in Ender’s Game:

Now Ender just got on the rocket ship to go up into space and he thought it was a little bit weird that he was climbing up to his seat and how his back faced down and how he could fall at any moment. Then they launched and went into space his instructor, Graff, was standing near the ladder and Ender was laughing imagining he was standing on his head or lying down because the way you look at things in space can be at any direction because of the lack of gravity. The man asked what Ender was laughing about and he told him and he congratulated him saying that he was probably the only one who knew that. From then on some dude named Bernard was whacking him behind the head the whole ride because he was loved by the teacher (teacher’s pet.) When Ender just couldn’t take it anymore he grabbed his arm when he tried to slap Ender and flipped him out of his seat. From then on Bernard hated him. When they got to the school they each put their hand on their bed’s locker to designate that it was theirs and Bernard and his cronies were still teasing Ender so he put a security system on his locker to protect it and figured out how to make it seem like you were sending messages as another person. So he typed in     B-E-R-N-A-R-D-space as a new person. And typed in, “Hey I like your butt, can I kiss it?” and that lost him a lot of respect and a new friend (who was the nerd of the group) named Shen. The next day all the Launchies (the newly launched in) and their instructor named Dap went to the practice room where they practiced moving in null gravity for the games they would play. They were given a gun and a suit. During that session Ender did really well at moving and met a friend named Alai. And they wondered what the guns do. So they both shot their foot and sure enough, it froze their foot so they got Shen and Bernard and decided to shoot everyone in their group, soon enough everyone was frozen and floating around. Their instructor unfroze everyone and they went to their cabin. Ender had found this game called the Giant’s Drink in which you got up to this place with a giant and you were given the choice of two drink one would kill you and one would let you pass into Candyland. But no matter what, you always died. So Ender, getting sick of the Giant, knocked over both the drink and ended up killing the Giant by scooping out his eyeballs (ewwwwww.) He then could pass into Candyland and he thought to himself, even in a game I am a murderer.

Wow right? Now back to my report!!! For lunch I had a ham, ham, ham, and cheese sandwich. My sister Touran made it!!!!!!! I loved it and I ate it and then played some computer and went to a Movin’ Shoes Run!!!!! I walked up and down the coast with Fritz!!!!! It was so much fun and then on the way home Touran had a class at a temple and she needed pants that weren’t so revealing… So the whole ride home I was without pants… ughhhh. Next I got home and had some quesadillas and chicken nuggets. They were delicious!!!!!!! Next, I played computer and went to bed. That’s it!!! I’ve been Tabasco, and I bid you all farewell. Thanks so much for reading!!!!!! (EPIC ENDING MUSIC.)

June 3, 2013

It is the DAILY REPORT SHOW!!! It is that time of day in which you can relax, sit down, and enjoy a nice, leisurely, EPIC REPORT!!!!!! So read my report and love my report!!!!!

Yesterday I woke up from a nice, refreshing ERSOME SLEEP!!! I walked downstairs after doing my usual morning chores in my room and had a bagel, chocolate milk, and some strawberries from my own garden!!!! Next I typed my Daily Report and did the rest of my chores. 

Then… WAIT TIME FOR A JOKE:

A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.

"I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.

"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"

Funny, right? Time for my summary of the next 3 chapters in Ender’s game:

Ender was sitting across from Alai and told him that he figured out how he did that this to Bernard. And in the middle of that when they got back to their dorm, there was a sheet of paper on his bed saying that he was assigned to the Salamander army. So he decided to go to the game room to figure out where his new colors were. So he got caught in the Giant’s Drink. So Ender had passed into Candyland in which he was at a playground. He tried to go down the slide, but he always fell through it. He tried using the monkey bars, but there was always this one monkey bar that “wasn’t there” so he fell. So he just ended up going into the forest where he saw a well and before he could examine it wolves came out of nowhere and ate him the next time he tried going down the well to escape the wolves, but he died. Then when he was at the playground, he hit one of the kids in anger and he got really mad and started following him. So he tried going down the slide and since the kid was so close to him he also fell and got knocked out and turned into a wolf. So Ender did this with every kid, but the wolves woke up and ate him. So this time he tried to throw the wolves into the brook and it worked so when he got to the well, there were no wolves when he went down the well, he saw a door that said, “THE END OF THE WORLD.” He went in and thought since this was the end that he couldn’t die. So he jumped of the cliff he was standing on and a cloud caught him and brought him to the top of a castle with no exit except a deadly drop (and now he thought it wouldn’t be wise to drop down there.) He turned around and saw a rug that turned into a snake and said, “Death is your only option for escape.” Before he could do anything an alert popped up that he needed to report to his Salamander army instructor immediately. When he got there the instructor got mad and raged at Ender and hit him. The leader, Bonzo, didn’t like Ender and made sure he didn’t do anything in their first battle. A battle consisted of people trying to freeze each other and in the end having 4 teammates put their heads on the 4 corners of their opponent’s door and have 1 person walk in through the door. He was instructed to not come into the battle until after 5 minutes and then just stand at the gate. He obeyed and they lost. He decided to just get practice and so he practiced with a girl named Petra in their group since he wasn’t allowed to practice with his group, he had to practice with Petra. He also practiced with his little group of Launchies, Alai and Shen and some others. The next game he did he listened to Bonzo and hid in the corner when he went out and froze his legs when they were curled up to protect him and so people thought he was frozen. When they lost the opposing people were coming to their door and he decided to fire. He took out 5 of the 9 people after he was eventually frozen. That means they couldn’t win because they needed 5 people 4 for the corners and 1 to go through. He was later transferred to the Rat army in which the leader was fairer than Bonzo. The leader’s name was Rose and he put him in the 4^th group, toon, with a toon leader named Dink they trained normally and Ender decided after his practice to go back to the fantasy game the Giant’s Drink. He got to the tower where he saw the snake and he killed it. There was a mirror and he looked in it and in the reflection he saw Peter. He jumped and thrust his desk from him. He was a murderer just like Peter he thought. He threw the snake at the mirror and it broke and there was a hole behind it and snakes came out and killed him. He decided to stop after that. Now here the story shifts to the perspective of Ender’s siblings. Peter has had a thirst of power he told Valentine. He said that was why he was always mean to you and Ender. Valentine didn’t believe him. Peter started crying and apologizing on how he was so mean, but he just wanted to dominate. Valentine started to believe him because Peter wouldn’t leave himself this vulnerable. So Peter said that he decided to have a plan to “rule the world” so he and Valentine made fake people called Demosthenes and Locke. Valentine was Demosthenes and Peter was Locke. They wrote specific things on a site that made people believe them like good ideas and they were using a citizen’s access so it made them look older than they actually were. They were writing such good ideas and good points that they were put in the newspaper. They didn’t want to reveal themselves or else they wouldn’t be remarked as much. Their own father even started liking Demosthenes.

Well after my lunch of a sandwich of deliciously awesomeness. I listened to some music and browsed the internet for something awesome. Then I went on a walk with mom and played some Minecraft with my friend and then I had some dinner of a hamburger without cheese. I didn’t like it. I WANT CHEEZBURGER!!!! (That was meant to be spelled wrong.) Then I slept and wrote my Daily Report!!!!!!!

-Tobasco

July 1, 2013

It is the DAILY REPORT SHOW!!! It is that time of day in which you can relax, sit down, and enjoy a nice, leisurely, EPIC REPORT!!!!!! So read my report and love my report!!!!!

Yesterday I woke up on Sunday and the Sun was high in the sky on this beautiful day. Then a cloud covered the sun and I frowned. I went and took a shower and then put my clothes on and made my bed. I then walked about a few steps to my “loft” and sat down and started reading Ender’s Game. I must have read for about seven hours because I started at 8:00 and ended at 4:00. Now I guess I’ll tell you about the book but first one really funny joke:

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.

When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"

"Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream."

"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it."

"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."

He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.

She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"

OK that’s enough time to go back to my summary of Ender’s Game:

Ender’s Game is a book about a boy named ender in a futuristic world in which there are aliens called Buggers that tried to colonize planet Earth. And Ender, who is six years old, was a Third. In this time, parents were only allowed to have two children, but because of Ender’s parents had better than average children, they were allowed a third child. And each child had a monitor implanted into their brain that monitored them and protected them from harm, but the sole purpose of the monitor was to see if that said child would be a suitable kid to be in Battle School which is kind of like the Army drafting kids that have what it takes to be an army commander for the bugger wars. And Ender was coming up to the big day of seeing if he was getting his monitor off or going to battle school, he got the notice and… he was getting his monitor off. When he got his monitor off several kids teased him because he was a Third that got his monitor off. They were teasing him because he was born because of great genes in his parents, but they weren’t enough to get him into Battle School. One person who teased him was a boy at his school named Stilson. Stilson was always bullying him and teasing him, but today Stilson would tease him even more because he got his monitor off and now no one could help him if he got beat up because his monitor was off, at least they thought no one was watching him. Stilson confronted Ender after school and was ready to beat him up when Ender thought that he needed to stop this now. He when he was about to beat Ender up, he kicked him in the breastbone and his gang let go Ender and he groaned and fell to the ground in pain. Ender continued to beat him up only to make sure he wouldn’t bully him again. When Ender got home he knew it wasn’t over, he had to deal with the devil himself, his brother. His brother would anyways tease him like Stilson, but worse. This time he teased him so much and his parents would never notice that he did anything bad. Ender’s sister, Valentine, was basically his only friend. Today Peter, his brother, teased him and beat him up and when he was about to hurt him, Valentine stopped him saying to not do it. Peter said that why shouldn’t he just kill them both and cover it up. Say it was an accident, and his parents would believe him. Valentine said that wouldn’t happen because she put a note in the library that was to be opened when she died saying that she didn’t die of natural causes that you killed me. Peter said, “Fine be protected by your precious Valentine, but just remember, when you grow up, when you guys all though I have forgotten about this, will be the time you die. They then went to bed and in the middle of the night, Ender heard Peter get off the top bunk and stand by his bed. Ender expected him to smother him with a pillow, but Peter just said, “Ender I am sorry, I’m sorry, I know how it feels, I’m sorry, I’m your brother I love you.” He then climbed up to bed and went to sleep and Ender started to cry. In the morning, they had breakfast and a man knocked on the door. It was a person dressed up in military gear, Peter said, “Oh no they finally found about what you did to that kid at school. But that was wrong. His name was Graff and he came to enroll Ender into the Battle School. He said that he would learn all about it when they go there. (Just to let you know I probably forgot to say this, but these schools to fight the buggers are in space BTW ) Ender agreed and was directed into Graff’s car. Before he left he cried because he would miss Valentine and the only time he would see her was when he was 12. He waved good bye to his family after embracing his family and as he left Valentine gave an anguished cry saying, “Come back to me! I love you forever!!!!!

Well that is the first three chapters, if you want to hear the rest hear from me tomorrow!!! Now, back to MY day… I walked down the stairs and did my chores still groggy from reading for so long. It felt like I weighed 2 times as much (which would be helpful don’t get me wrong.) I walked up the stairs and played some computer and had a cheeseburger for dinner. It was so delicious and I loved it so very much. I tiptoed up the stairs, and it hurt. I jumped in bed and I landed on the edge of my bed and fell off. I got back up and went to bed. In the morning I typed my Daily Report!!!!!

Thanks for reading!!!

P.S. This was a really good report and was over 1,100 words!!!!!!!!!

-Tobasco